Ashley Schoniger: Strength, Endurance, and Love.

Ash and Ashley Schoniger

We recently received a glowing letter of praise from parents about a Chrysalis employee who helped their daughter in ways unimagined.  When we read the letter we were so impressed that we wanted to share this story with everyone.  Thank you Ashley for all your hard work, love, and dedication, you rock!  And now the letter in its entirety, it is long but worth it.

This is a letter we have known we would eventually want and need to write you, but one we have hoped to put off as long as possible.  It is simply not possible to sum up our many and deep, heartfelt feelings in a simple letter.  And since this is a matter of the heart, so much more than business, it is difficult.  But we will try.

Since we’re into the holiday season now, a lot of people are walking around thinking about gifts.  They may have a new dvd player, television, sweater, doll, or other similar item in mind to make someone happy.  These things are sure to make someone’s Christmas bright.  But there is a gift much, much greater and of far greater worth that our family and our daughter have been given by one of Chrysalis’s employees, Ashley Schoniger. Ashley has given us a gift that will never run out of batteries, never get lost or stolen, never get phased out or upgraded, never fall apart or need replacing.  It is the gift of a lifetime.  It is a gift of love, devotion, dedication, and selflessness in the purest form of these words.  Ashley gave us and our daughter the gift of herself, and she gave everything she had within her to give.  We will hold her dear forever.  

Since there are two Ashleys in our story here, we’ll call Ashley Schoniger “Ashley” and refer to our daughter Ashley as “Ash” to keep things simple.

It’s really quite an amazing and beautiful story that took place over the course of the past year, when Ashley came into our family’s life.   Some may read this and see it as a bit emotional or more personal than business, but it is our philosophy that Chrysalis, and Ashley, are in the caregiving and person centered business, so there is certainly room for the personal and emotional aspect of our story.

Our daughter came into Chrysalis’s care in July of last year.  At that time, Ash had numerous medical issues, some critical.  She had just been released from a lengthy stay at a hospital a couple of weeks before with gangrene that was the result of a previous provider’s lack of care.  Additionally, Ash had many medical needs that had also not been properly addressed by the previous provider, one of which included a dysfunctional colon from birth, and prior to the gangrene, Ash had numerous hospitalizations due to chronic colon issues, which could have been life threatening and were also incredibly painful.  Ashley also was thin and had difficulty maintaining her weight, as well as being very pale and having dark circles under her eyes.  Ash had difficulty coping with life in general, although given her circumstances actually did exceptionally well considering her abundant list of challenges.

Due to these difficulties and challenges in life, Ash came into Chrysalis care with some behavioral challenges as well, and we knew that knowledge and competence of all staff was going to be key.  But beyond that, we knew that of even greater significance was going to be a staff that cared.  We have come to know through the years that education is only a small percentage of the pie, and that staff who truly cares about Ash constitutes the majority of what is needed to help Ash succeed and be truly happy.  Caring lends itself to dedication, dedication lends itself to consistency, consistency lends itself to trust, and trust opens the door for miracles.  That is what came into Ash’s life when Ashley walked through the door.  Miracles.

If we could paint a picture of how we see Ashley, it would be that we envision her as coming on as House Manager dressed for battle.  Ashley truly has been a warrior for our daughter and our family, and has been consistently fearless. Fearlessness is required.  At first, though we were grateful for her presence, we had our own fears from past experiences. That experience was that many came with the best of intentions and wanted very much to get the job done, but didn’t quite have the “grit” it took to last.  We had a few good managers who came on with the desire and the skills needed.  If anyone has seen the movie or heard the story of “Secretariat”, you might know what we mean.  This horse was known for its speed but not its endurance (at first).  We met some wonderful, caring people who (if you can get beyond the simple comparison) came on with enthusiasm and excitement, but simply didn’t have the endurance required to finish the race.  Because of this, Ash has also had to go through not only her physical challenges, but lose people in her life as well after establishing a relationship of trust.  It turns out that Ashley, like the winning Secretariat, had both the strength and endurance that Ash and our entire family so desperately needed her to have.  We believe that she was truly born to work with people with special needs.

From the time that Ashley came on as House Manager until now, Ashley has never stopped “running” with everything that she has, not once.

When she first came on as Manager, Ash’s finger was still bandaged and we were told she would likely have to have it amputated… the infection and gangrene was simply too severe according to the specialists.  Ashley refused to accept this future for our daughter.  She insisted on adhering strictly to bandage changes and wound care as instructed by the specialists, and trained all of her staff consistently on what was required in the attempt to save the finger, stop the infection, and make Ash as comfortable and pain free as possible.  The end result?  The finger was saved.  No amputation necessary.  The specialists were amazed.  This was our first introduction to Ashley.  What an impression.

Ashley immediately assumed the role of House Manager with passion, and made changes to include delicious, home cooked meals that allowed Ash to experience the joy of many flavors for the first time, and gave Ash choices, which empowered her and decreased her feelings of hopelessness and frustration each day.  Ashley ensured that communication was always good, and got communication boards posted around the house to allow Ash some control over her own life by making choices throughout her day.

Instead of being told how her life would run, Ash was given the tools she needed to have some power over her own life, and her behaviors soon decreased. Ash began to trust again and to open herself up to others, to let everyone in.  Her entire persona changed.  She began laughing more, verbalizing more, initiating play.  Ashley was bringing our beautiful, happy, secure Ash out.  We began to see the meaning of “Chrysalis” in Ash, as she spread her own wings under Ashley’s loving care and became this beautiful butterfly.

Signs of Ashley’s love and commitment to Ash and her roommates was immediately apparent, as was Ashley’s creative talent.  The house quickly became a home of warmth, decorated with fun, age appropriate furnishings, color, cozy smells.  It just felt good.  You could tell that the women who lived there felt the same as well.

Within her first week as Manager, Ashley began to address Ash’s lifelong colon issues, valuing the importance of her health, and seeing the direct and critical relationship between physical and emotional health.  Ashley understood the mind/body connection already, which was huge for Ash and her needs.  Ashley took Ash to repeated physician’s visits, visits to specialists, obtained permission from her physician to get routine x-rays done as obtained and implemented a formal bowel protocol established to ensure impaction was avoided before it even began.  A formal protocol, which was quite complicated in nature, was taught consistently to every staff member providing care to Ash.  After months of grueling diligence, consistency, and determination by Ashley and her staff, Ash’s bowels became functional.  In essence, the specialist told us that Ash’s bowels would have to be retrained, which would be very difficult.  Ashley and her staff did it.

Besides the emotional help, Ashley’s weight has continued to climb and she now looks like a woman of her age should physically. Ash has shed her old appearance of a young, thin, pale, unhealthy girl with dark circles under her eyes, rashes, and dull, unfocused eyes.  We know that it is indeed because of Ashley’s hard work and never giving up that Ash continues to maintain a healthy weight for her age, has curves as she should, has no more dark circles under her eyes, has full rather than dehydrated lips each and every day, does not have receding gums, but pink, healthy ones from good oral hygiene each day.  And best of all, her eyes are focused, clear, bright, and HAPPY.

Due to Ash’s great sensory challenges, toothbrushing has always been difficult.  However, again, Ash was fearless and trained her staff that anything less was unacceptable at that house.  With consistent brushing, at Ash’s most recent dental cleaning, the dentist and his staff at the hospital said that they have never seen such good oral hygiene with such care given to a person living in a group home.  That dentist has been in practice for decades.

The biggest gift of all physically for Ash given to her by Ashley was the gift of a healthy colon, to no longer be in constant and excruciating pain that she could not express to others, to no longer be in and out of the hospital with traumatic and intrusive interventions as a means to “control” things.  Ashley has always been a believer, and it is also a Chrysalis philosophy, in being proactive versus reactive in all things.

This is a philosophy that we were looking for in searching for providers.

It’s easy to publish this philosophy on a marketing piece, but another thing entirely to have staff who practice what you preach.  In this case, Ashley and the staff she trained always tried their best to be proactive, to get to the core of needs first instead of simply waiting until there were major problems and scrambling to try to fix them after the fact. Ashley has been an incredible manager, surpassing all of our experiences with any manager we have ever worked with and surpassing even just our expectations of her alone. She has been a true friend to our daughter and to our family.  She has been an untiring advocate for Ash and others with special needs in life.  She has never forgotten the promise she made to our daughter and to us when she assumed her role as House Manager with Chrysalis, and she has never failed us.  Ashley has never forgotten the importance in her work of compassion, empathy, and frankly, love, for those she works with and their families.  She has shown patience and caring through all of our dark hours, which do come.  She has truly been a beacon of light.

We know it is time for Ashley to go on her own journey now.  We wish her luck in all she does in life, and will always hold her dear.  This holiday season, we are thankful for the gift she gave to Ash and to us.  We are thankful for her presence in all of our lives.

Sincerely,

Jason and Wendy